It’s not that I needed an apparition to realize that I’m taken. On the contrary, five months ago I entered into what is turning out to be a wonderful relationship with someone whom I feel like I’ve known forever. I’m having the time of my life and wouldn’t trade it for anything. But last night something happened that made me realize that I am officially settled into a relationship.
My roommate came home from a night on the town and mentioned that she met a guy who got her number. And in typical 21st century fashion, texting between the two quickly ensued. So I’m sitting there, dividing my attention between watching the tube and entering the world of Twitter (yes, I have made the great leap, and I’m clueless about it…feel free to send any suggestions to email@example.com) and subsequently tuning out the giddy giggles manifesting seconds after her phone gives off those friendly ‘I have a text’ chimes. After a few minutes of this e-banter, she pipes up, “So what is one completely random question I should ask to find out more about him?” After giving deep thought to this for a few seconds I say, “You need to ask something that’s slightly flirty but not too flirty. Ask him if he likes the toilet paper roll over the top or under the bottom.”
“What?!?….Um, errr, no I don’t think that’s the right question,” she stumbles to say.
That’s all I could come up with??? For the longest time, I was the self-proclaimed queen of subtle flirtation! It’s what I did! I loved doling out cute quips and one-liners to whatever lucky fellow had my attention at the moment. And I was a dictionary of verbal charm for girlfriends, throwing out the perfect response to be texted or emailed to unsuspecting prospective beaus. Now, my flirting involves toilet paper??
I walk away dumbfounded. It’s like I’ve nearly been hit in the face with an Iraqi shoe. I don’t know what hit me harder: the realization that I no longer know how to flirt effectively or the fact that I don’t care.
Not only was I a decent tease in my day, but consequently I also had this phobia of feeling ‘settled.’ I secretly wondered how anyone could feel comfortable in a long-term relationship. Not that I was ho’ing myself out or anything, but I never got to the point with any man that I wanted to completely give up the idea of being single. I had this notion that settled equated to boring.
And suddenly, I’m there…in Settledville. And you know what? I love it. I finally discovered that settled isn’t boring at all. In fact, It’s actually fun! I have a fabulous time with my boyfriend, and it makes me laugh to think that at one point in time I actually liked meeting a new guy every weekend. Don’t get me wrong, you guys are awesome in your own right. But somehow ‘the flavor of the week’ just isn’t that fulfilling. It’s a good thing too, because we all now know that I’d be laughed out of a bar if I tried using my flirting skills on some unsuspecting male stranger. So tell me…how’s your toilet paper working for you? 😉
~ DC Darlin’