Building on DC Darlin’s unveiling of the seemingly-but-turned-out-to-be-uncouth-jerk story, I’ve decided to share a similar (in the positive sense) story for the guys out there (all 2 reading this blog, that is). I suppose other than the scence setting opener, its really more a set of guidelines for you clueless guys to take a hint and learn a few lessons. A few nights ago a close friend of Mr. Prince Charming’s called me for a little womanly advice. He has been casually seeing a lady and had hit the crossroads where you decide to part ways as friends or go for the gold. The problem: he was having a bit of trouble reading the ‘signs,’ and needed a little advice on how to get ball rolling. I, as a southern girl and therefore perfectly qualified to act as a counselor, was happy to oblige. Since Mr. Prince Charming is the first of his batch to marry (it’s a northern thing, I was verging on old maid by southern standards, haha), I’ve become the resident go-to-girl for advice. My advice always boils down to the same so I’ve decided to lay it out here in hopes of happily matchmaking (oh yes, that’s what we do in the South) a few lucky readers. I should note the disclaimer that the following advice is given under the assumption that you are seeking to date a ‘normal’ woman. I define normal as any self-repsecting ‘lady’ who doesn’t purposely surround herself with abusive, lazy, jerkish, low-lifes who openly treat her like shit, or purposely seek out men for their marital, social or economic status as a means to better themselves (without love). So here we go, take it as you will:
1. Be yourself. Nothing is worse than a guy who is trying too hard to be something he’s not. Take it to heart guys, if you have to change yourself in order to impress her, she is not what I am deeming as ‘normal.” Now, I am not saying that you shouldn’t improve yourself out of love and respect for someone, because you should by way of natural maturation. Example: If Mr. Prince Charming had his way, we would live in a bachelor pad in which the bathroom, sheets and sink get cleaned a maximum of 1x per 3 months; live solely on raman noodles and most likely never move out of the 2 bedroom apt that is already trying to suffocate me. However, as a married man, he dotingly does the dishes, helps with the laundry and chores and has realized that no, this apt is not ‘happily ever after.’ These are good things. (For the record, I’ve made my own compromises and did so willingly, but I’m not the topic of this posting 🙂 ) So, in summary, if you must change your interests, your job, your friends, your hobbies (assuming all are not detrimental to the relationship, her or yourself) in order to keep her happy you should save yourself the trouble and just change the girl. A lady wants to get to know the real you, even if that includes a fear of monsters in the closet before bedtime. Trust me, if we like you, it’s endearing. So keep it simple, keep it you!
2. Throw out the ‘rulebook.’ I don’t know what group of assholes sat around the bar one lonely Saturday night and decided the way to a girl’s heart is to abide by the ‘three day rule, ‘ but I’m sure their skeletons remain in that very position because clearly their assinine assumption is way off. If you say you’re going to call in two days, call in two days. I don’t understand what is so difficult about that. It does not in any way make a girl like you more, nor does it make you seem ‘cool’ to miss your appointed call time and casually remember 3 days later. Stop it. If you can’t keep your word, just don’t call at all.
3. Stop listening to your guy friends. Guys are not girls and therefore know nothing about girls or what will gain you a ‘score’ for that matter. It’s that simple. Stop it.
4. We don’t care who you can beat up. And we are in no way interested in seeing you pick a fight in our honor with the resident drunk at the local dive bar. How about a little civilty? Is that too much to ask for? I can tell you this, no woman wants to kiss a bloody nose. Put the guns away boys, we are not impressed. Nor are we interested in other silly contests, such as your God given talent of burping the alphabet, the ability to ‘find’ your way without stopping for directions even if that means a 3 hour detoured scenic route, or the number of notches on your bed post. Somethings are meant for frats, leave them there.
5. Chivalry is not only for Knights in the 12th century. Come on guys, this one is easy and wins you major points. Pick up the step a bit and get to the door before me, pull the handle and give yourself a 5 second delay before walking in so we think you are gentlemanly and opening our door. If a woman says she doesn’t like a little chivalry on occasion she is lying. Take it from a southern girl, chivalry is never dead, you’re just the deadbeat for lacking it. 🙂
6. Pull out all the stops. Sometimes a woman just wants to feel like a lady. This means getting all ‘dolled’ up and going out to a nice dinner and being treated like a princess (see chivalry above). Take her out on a nice date, treat her to wine, good food and dessert. Take the bill and pay without hesitation. Doesn’ t have to be expensive, or often.
7. Every date doesn’t end in the sack. Enough said, stop it. It’s not a prize, a goal, or an accomplishment. When the relationship is ready, it’ll happen. So chill.
8. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. If you give it, you will get it. And that is good for a relationship.
9. “You look pretty.” “Did you do something different with your hair?” “I like your shirt.” “Your smile makes me happy.” “I like being with you.” Etc, etc, etc. There, was that so hard?
10. Keep it simple. Don’t overthink, over analyze or over do it. We are not trying to trick you, or make you jealous, or hypnotize you into tying the knot and popping out 3 buns in under a year. Be honest, if you are not looking for marriage, never want to have children, or absolutely hate her dream of living in Alaska don’t lie and say you do. The truth will come out and you will have wasted her time and yours. Keep it simple. Just be you and enjoy being with her.
Of course these are just a few pointers, there are plenty more. As are there an equal amount that can be dealt to the ladies. But as nature has it, relationships are not as easy as typed up pointers on a blog posting, so get out there and give it a go! And as someone who has found her Prince I will say that when it’s right, it’s easy (-enough 😉 ). So enjoy it.
Bless your hearts and goodnight!